do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
