so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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