How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize