i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
