did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
