..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How does one acquire holy water?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
