Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
