Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
