So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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