Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize