i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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