i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
