I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
