Sponge bath it is.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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