yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
