Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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