dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
