So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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