I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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