Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
