Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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