Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
