I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize