ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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