you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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