ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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