I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
