Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize