we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
