i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
