Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
