I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize