you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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