I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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