rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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