Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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