There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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