i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
