I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
