dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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