my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
