I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize