I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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