What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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