you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
