You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
