Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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