don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
