My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
