Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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