So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
