I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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