your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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