I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
