you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
