And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
