i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
