Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to sanitize my soul.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
