I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
