Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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