You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
