I want to walk on stilts...naked
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
