Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
