I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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