marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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