im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
