Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have feelings that need drinking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
