you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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