i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
