I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize