Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
