I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
