Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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