I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
