the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
