You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
