Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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