I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
