its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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