Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
