That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
