Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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