Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
