My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
