you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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