I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
