someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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