I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
