my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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