its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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