I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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